A friend sent me this

In my weakness, do not forsake me,
and do not be afraid of my power.
For why do you despise my fear
and curse my pride?
But I am she who exists in all fears
and strength in trembling.
I am she who is weak,
and I am well in a pleasant place.
I am senseless and I am wise.
Why have you hated me in your counsels?
For I shall be silent among those who are silent
and I shall appear and speak.

Xmas

Lost the interest.

Once he told me that he sees ppl who has the same faces and attitude, I didn’t believe and I thought that he’s out there in one of his illusions.

Yesterday as I was teaching an Australian guy Arabic I noticed that he moves his hands the same way he does, most of the time I kept watching him, they have the same look, the same body language and smile, the same ironic look which makes you feel stupid!!

Was it you in one of your parallel lives as you once told me? Or this the cure my guardian angels sent me to show me that you are not the only one of your kind?
Any ways I’m glad to realize that it’s not just you of your kind!!!

Cold and long

“How many long nights are there in EIGHT months?” I asked him.
“If you’re lonely it’s infinite” he answered.

Obsessed

It’s going crazy recently, I realized that I can’t live with others, I don’t mean that I can’t coexist or accept ppl’s company, I became more conscious about ppl attitude towards others and even themselves, it turned to be obsession more and more, I an’t touch or use things that others touched, when I ever I’m gonna eat something I think with the the number of hands and ppl who worked on that food!!!
It’s a night mare!!! I can’t live this way…God!!!

Ala'

I don’t remember that I had fights with some one as much as I had with him.
I don’t remember that I have stronger relations with any guy the way we both have.
Ala was always something different, we argue we chat, w learn and teach, we help and ignore. The relation we hade is a combination of contrasts, among all of that a feeling of admiration and strong friend ship slinks to color our strange relation.
I don’t remember spending longer time with someone except for my best friend Mira.

When the Sky seduces Earth

In my way back

Yesterday I went to a company at the estern part of the city to apply for a job, I chose to go back walking to the city center as I first went to the bank to withdraw money, and in that bank you have to take a number and wait…so in my way back I was watching writings and signs on the two sides shop…some of them were familiar and others I realized that i see for the first time.

“The New Generation Office”
I looked inside, two men were in, one of them seems to be at his late 50's, the other at his early sixties…. 2 good representatives of the new generation!!!

a super market came next, very close to the bank at the city center, there was a note stuck at the door… we do not sell stolen or Egyptian cigarettes….please no more questions concerning the above
wow…how dare you talk to your customers this way!!!

Dalia

Once Dalia told me that love is like the cigarettes when you start the first one you can’t quit, when you love the first time you can’t live without love.

I’ve been in love it was strong and passionate, it was real.
but now I look for new thing and I miss new things.

يا حبيبتي....

حفرت أقدم ذكرى...

يوم رأيتك أوّل مرةيوم كنت ترتجفين تحت المطر...

وتهتزين كورقة تشتم رائحة الخطر

تحدقين في سواد الليل

وتندسين تحت ثيابك المتشبعة برائحة البرد

رافضة أيدي تمتد لتجفف أثوابا تعشق لون الريح و همس البرد!!!

لا انسى ومضة عينيك يا حبيبتي...

رقصة شفتيك يا أميرتي ...

رجفة يديك يا صغيرتي...

حين تلاقت عينانا فتشابكت روحانا...

ما نطقت شفتاي ولا همست,لكن نادت روحي روحك فأجابت!!

!وتأبطت ذراعي ...

تضربنا حبات الماء,كأرز في ليلة عرس

كورود في وسط الحرش

كخيوط تغزلها طلآت الشمس

يا ساحرتي الشريرة,يا صاحبة الزبرجد

تشعلين أحاسيسا لم تولد قبلاوجنونا لم يهدأ عمرا

و أخاف عليك من هبة ريح تلمس خدي

كوأغار عليك من أن تشبك اصبعها في خصلاتك

فأخفيت جبينك في صدري

فضحتني دقات القلب,ولمست النار المستعرة في صدري عن قرب

نارا ماتت من قبلك دهر

اماكرة أنت يا حبيبتي و أحب خبثك!

حين ملت عليّ متصنعة الوهن يرهقك التعب

فتنشقتك عطرا من لون السحب

حين غصت في صدري متدثرة من حبات البرد

و شعرت برأسك على كتفي

حين التقت عينانا و اشتاقت للمسة شفتانا

ساحرة أنت يا حبيبتي ,و أنا طفل بين يدي

كمحتار بين الصمت و بين الصمت

أتمنى أن يمتد المطر شلالا و تنامين في حضني أجيالا

ألف ذراعي حولك أسور

ةأضمك أكثر,و أحسك أقرب أكثر أكثر أكثر...

أحسك أصدق من احساسي

أدفأمن انفاسي

أهدأ من قداسي

في صبحي شمسا في ليلي نبراسي

يا حبيبتي....

drawings

There’s always something missing in each drawing.

Or something unwanted in some photos.

You forget to add a detail or you may forget to remove another.

And in a relation of two, both tries to add and remove, who adds what harms or who removes what ills the relations?

Is it meant always to miss something in each image?

It’s the same every where, the capture, the lay out, the colors, then the shadows and the final touches; the ones that may destroy the whole work.

Is it the low of the earth to meet people then to leave them behind?

I’m not sad. On the contrary I’m just having many questions.

“Souls are the body soldiers”

Matt

A friend of mine told me he feels that I’m sad and this makes him sad.
Am I sad? I have a feeling that I can’t recognize, what that feeling is?
I will turn to 24 in 12 days, I’m old in years but very young with what I did.
My birthday was always an occasion that I celebrate with me my self and being on the earth.
This year it will look different I’m sure, I hope it would be positive.

I wake up 30 minutes ago

I wake up 30 minutes ago, after 10 minutes I released that I had a strange feeling about my existence here, it’s hard to explain it but I will try, I felt after 10 minutes that I’m the same Yusra and I’m in the same house and living the same life of yesterday, this made me remember that for the first 10 minutes I had a different feeling, I felt that I’m the same Yusra in a different life and different surrounding, it’s not that I felt that immediately but I did when I came back to my conscious.
For a while it was nice, to live a new life leaving behind every thing and all the memories that bothers your present life and affects your future.

I met his eyes lifes ago

I was there with a group of aliens, ppl I've just met, and i met his eyes, gazes were exchanged, it's not what any woman and man exchange, i knew there was something there. a different chemistry, i know what friendship looks like, i knew what love looks like, but this one was different, it was a new feeling, a new life I've never been in, he came, sat in front of me, talked to me, his eye were calling mine and i responded.

i figured out the feeling few days later, when ever i see him i picture a lil baby running into his mother's arms, i knew who he was... He was Murad... my son.

i knew that i was his mother in a different life...
i know now that i was a mum in a different life, and i had\ have the most wonderful son ever..

Who Could Feel
Who Could know
Who Could Say "PLEASE DON'T GO"

Why Should We Regret?
Why Should We Stop?
Why Should We Stay Away From The Top?

Say a Word,Give a Hint.......
Show Me That You Still Remember & You Will Never Forget!

انت

انها انت من حرّك فيّ كل شيء
انها أنت من اخمد فيّ كل شيء
انها أنت من جعلني أبكي بحور
انها أنت من جعلني أسهر دهورا
انها أنت من علمني كيف أموت و احيا
انها أنت من اختطف مني نور الدنيا
انها أنت من علمني كيف أغرق في تلك الدافئتين
في تلك السوداوين
انها أنت من أخمدني و جعلني أحتار بين النارين
ردي عليّ هدئتي...ردي الي سكينتي

كم تهوين عذابي كم تهوين غيابي
كم تهوين ذهولي و بكائي في محرابي
ان فاجئك الليل فتأكدي أني هناك
راكع في محرابك علّ بسمتك ترافق الأفلاك
علّها تجود عليّ فما زلت أنتظر
لا تغفلي الوعد فما زلت انتظر
ما زلت أهوى النسيان في معبدك
ما زلت أهوى الضياع في عالمك
علّك تجديني يوما...علّك تهويني زمنا
كوني معي ... سيري معي...تسلقي الجبال معي
أقطفي الزهر و اصنعي العقود معي
حدثيني عنك ...عن عالمك ...عن كل صغير في كوكبك
حتي عن مقدار السكّر في فنجانك
علّي أكون جزءا منه
علّي أتنفس عبقه

لا يهمني ما يقولون...و لا يهمني ما سيفعلون
لا يهمني كيف روحك بي سيشككون
فمنذ اليوم الأول و أنت لي
و منذ سطر الحرف الأول و أنت لي
و حين يدق الجرس سنسير الى هناك معا
ممسكة بيدي...ضاغطة على كفي
عيناك تغوص في عيني و شفتاك تتوق الى شفتي
حينها سأكف عن الركوع
فيومهاستسكنين بين الضلوع
و ستكونين حقا لي
فأنت منذ اليوم الأول لي

illusions!!!

I resigned form my previous work for some reasons recently, the company name was Zoom, the logo color is orange, and there was signs n the city shows the location of Zoom!!!

I used to watch and follow these signs in my way to the work!!!

Now after leaving this company, something in my unconsciousness told me that this company never existed, I liked the idea.

Yesterday the taxi driver took one of the ways that leads to Zoom, and I saw the orange sign!!! For few seconds I thought I'm imagining coz as I remember Zoom was a dream that I predicted!!!

But then it's a fact this company exists and I was working there!!! The orange color was filling every space around!!!

The Same!

It’s a bit hard to talk about it, it’s not that i can’t choose the words or that i’m shy to talk about it, the thing that it’s difficult to transfere the feeling and understanding i have toward it!!!

It’s the human behaviour and how it relates to thier feelings in other times.
I mean...w all as human have the same feeling for different things and ppl but we have them... why don’t we accept that others have the same feeling, they love, hate, fear, cheat and wish...
Like when the boss dismisses an employee in his position he never gets the feeling of opression he just thinks that he’s doing the right thing..but in fact we all have same life back home we are exactly the same we will name it opression if it was the opposite..

The thing i’m trying to pass that we are all thge same back home...we have families, parents kids and lovers, wives and husbands...we don’t like to be cheated we want ppl to like and understand us...
When we get out we walk with flow...get tuff and strong...we never care for others and we forget when we experienced the same and when we asked ourselves “does he\she feels the same?“
We all have the same needs that we ignore others need for it!!!
Me my self sometimes think that some ppl do not deserve to live for no reasons!!! While i never accept it from others, is it normal to think that others can bear some things that we can’t? As if we are made of something different?

Sorry for leaving you behind!!

Zoom was the second real work I did after graduation, the atmosphere was nice in the interview, the company looked nice and the ppl, then day by day things gets clearer the atmosphere wasn’t as healthy as I thought, the employees have the same historical fears “THE BOSS”!!!
Only few employees were so nice to tell me what to do and what not!!!

LANA…here I have to stop, or I must say that this is why I was thinking of telling you friends about this sweet great girl, since the first moment we met in Massar…she kept helping me and teaching me!!!

I have to say that this is not why I liked her, but there’s a feeling that sneaks within your heart for that girl, you just like her…

And I have to admit that she’s the one who made the life in Massar and Zoom bearable!!!
Now I’m out of Zoom for some reasons… I regret nothing but not seeing her every morning and sharing her same little details!!

I miss your smile Lana!!!

Huwara

Around 8:20 my mom called me, her voice was so worried, she heard in the news that a girl stabbed a female soldier,
The Israelis answered by shooting the lower part of her body, she died after a while, and the soldier has some wounds in her face.

Whom I’m gonna blame, the woman for that action? Or should I go a bit back blaming the soldiers who drove her to do that.

the situation their on the check point is awful, I cross it every day I have to be there at 6:15 in order to reach my work at 8;00, the treatment we receive is unbelievable.
Two days ago we were kept behind the bars of the first part of the checkpoint while a female soldier and her mate were playing together ignoring us!!!

I don't support the action, but I also can't blame her, something should pushed the women to go this way, not necessarily today!!!

http://www.ipc.gov.ps/ipc_new/english/details.asp?name=11011

i have many things to say,

and many things to write, but i can't lay them out, they can't jump out of my mind, i always wished to write my thoughts, fears and feelings on the wall to face them to see them clearly, if i saw them out of my head, would it make a difference? can i see them from a different angle?

candle

if tomorrow never comes

right click, chose save as to download if tomorrow never comes

OUTLANDISH

this is the msn nickname of a dear friend of mine since a while, and this reminded me when i was visiting him and his sister in Cairo, one night we were talking about home and nationalities, he originally lives in KSA, his father is Palestinian and his mother is Egyptian, his dad flew to KSA looking for work as all the Palestinian who were kicked out from their lands.

he told me that he doesn't have a passport, he has a travel document instead!!! he's sure Palestinian but he can't be, he's not Saudi cause he's Palestinian so rejected by the Saudi government and sure not Egyptian!!!

what really hurts that he feels no home or ID, his dad has the feeling of Palestine his mom has it also for Egypt, but him the guy whose born in a country that doesn't accept him, studies in a country that can distinguish that he's a foreigner from his accent, he can't do the Palestinian accent neither the Egyptian!!!

this is the life of the refugees second generation, no home or nationality.whose fault is it? we because we are Palestinians? or the Arabs?can we blame Israel for being Arab?

and you know that you mean nothing to me!!

you said that in the last night's dream with other few things, but this is what had stuck in my mind when I wake up.

be7yat allah

for god's sake=behyat Allah...
I taught you this expression and I loved the way you pronounce it...oh God no one speaks Arabic the way you do...I just melt when you say something bel 3arabi!!!

and when you first used the expression "behyat alla' you were mad at me, and asking me to stay away of something, but what you don't know that I laughed kteer instead of staying away.

Tilman

I always knew that a human's life can't go on without feelings, and I always trusted the good in people, I thought also that every feeling of what human has effects his life in the same portion...

till I met Tilman, my German friend, his face only his face means the friendship, if I have to define it I would say "it's Tilman's face"...

then I believed that friendship is really the most noble feeling we are gifted to have, it's the only thing that deserves to cry for losing.

we don't have a special relation, or many things in common, also we didn't have long talks, but he awakes that feeling in me when I see his cute, pure and smiley face.

talk to the eye

he was something less than a year

I was walking with my friend and she passed by, stopped to talk to my friend, she's her mother's friend, she has a baby, I don't like kids, I stared at his eyes...what incredible eyes he has, a blue I just saw once, so deep, it wasn't the color it was something behind the color, shape and beauty...

I could talk to his eyes...I don't know if it was a long talk or not I just know that they were different!!!

Take me back

to the first time I was in your bedroom sitting on one side of your bed and you sleeping with your head placed on my thigh, me talking and you were listening to what I say, my fingers in your hair.

If I had wished to stay like this for ever would it be true?

"i can't get it out of my blood"

is that true? Every time I meet new international volunteers they say the same and they come back, or will to come back, to this small closed Nablus!!!

what is special about this city? it's my home where I grew up and spent my childhood....
during their stay they go to Ramallah, Jerusalem, Nazareth...."Nablus is Palestine" … is that true, why do they have this common feeling?