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I went to the ministry of interior, I got it, I was shivering and watching all people’s eyes, any one knows me here?

When I had it in my hands wow I cant tell how happy I was.
Hamze said you look tired but victorious!!!

Asem

Wednesday, 6 pm Ala sent me a message Asem opened his eyes, talked to me on the phone, I’m so excited, going to meet him”

I was near to flying when reading this sms.
A few minutes later Mira sms me “what about visiting Asem, to see us will help him a lot”
Thursday. 11 am, Jihan, Mira and me heading to the hospital, Asem is transferred from the ACU, Jihad was there in his room, we entered the room, not sure of what we will find, we first met his eyes, he smiled so his eyes, when his mom sw us she said “ah now I know why he smiled” I could tell how happy he was to see us all around, his mom asked him “can you recognize them?” he murmured “Yusra…Mira” then Jihan appeared he smiled “Hajje!!” he was so happy we talked and blamed him for leaving us 25 days scared and tensed!!! He smiled… a pale smile, his beard was long, and his face is too tired.
I couldn’t take my eyes away, is it true? Is that Asem the lively guy we know? It’s just unconceivable to see ppl you love and you used to talk with-DISABLED- and you doubt if they even can see you or recognize you!!!

1

I started executing my plan, it just needs time and patience, the first part was the hardest because it doesn’t depend on me only, but on many people who shouldn’t know why I’m doing that for!!!
The court part was scary, go sign this paper, stamp it form here, then you should stand before the judge-that was the scariest- do the oath :S
Luckily the judge signed my paper without calling me for the oath!!!
I didn’t have to lie and that relieved me kteeeeeeeeeeer.

Valentine Day they said

yesterday was one of the worst days ever, Asem is out of the coma but... a palsy in his feet and he lost the ability to talk!!!
Owen is leaving to work in Beeth lehem for good, we didn't spend a long time together but i feel that he's close to me!!!
i think that me and Ian reached a dead end, i also don't think that our friendship will follow the same path now on specially after yesterday's call and text message!!!

it's all coming back to me all the bad things in my short life is catching up with me 'while i have enough problems for the moment.
i feel like crying but I'm trying not to, i don't want to be week again, besides crying won't give me any thing back r relief me any more.

time is a torture!!! days and nights are nightmares.

i will keep asking this question with a slight difference; is 5 months a long time?
but this time no one will resopond...
i think i will go back to my old strategy, living in the memories, having my own world and stay away of people's infections.

i sent him to read the last thing i posted here
and this was his comment:

i read it, i tried to write a comment there, bas balsh there.
i wish i can take you away of this horrible life conditions, to spain, and to andalucia in particular to sit next the fountain and under the big tree there where no sound and no people. just the light of the moon and the sound of some dafade3 and the leafs of the trees, where branches touch the ground and nothing could make you upset or angry , do u know why? because there are no human being there. this is the soul of life dear""

.....

اشتد القيظ و ما عاد السير على الارصفة يجدي

لا السير على الاسفلت الأسود يجدي

ولا الطرق على الأبواب الخشبية يجدي

وكل بما اختار رهين الا انتم لم تختاروا

وعلى مائدة السلاطين

بالورق الأصفر والحبر كان التختيم

حيث الورق الأصفر يؤذي الأصبع

وشريان القلب الأوحد يقطع

وعيون ترقبكم ببراءتكم لا تقنع

ورحى الايام تلوك الأجساد ولا تشبع

فتسقطون حيرى بين المنشقة وبين المبضع

هل تستهوون المنشقة؟

فطبيب الأسر يلوح بالمبضع

صورة

سأرسل لك صورتي في علبة وردية تلون خلفية أحلامي القاتمة

و ساكتب على الخلفية اهداء كما اعتادوا حين يرسلون الرسوم و الهدايا و الصور

سأكتب باحرف كبيرة "أحبك" بكل لغة تعلمتها و سأبدأ بالغة التي علمتني اياها

سأكتب بحروف رمادية ليس لأني رمادية المعالم، بل لان الحروف ستزول حين تلمسها أناملك الجافة

ستزول لانها كتبت بالرصاص كما كتب حبي في قلبك

ستمحى كما محيت أنا من صدرك الدافيء

وستغيب من ذاكرتك حين تصل الى اسمي بعد السطر الأخير

لأني يوما لم أحفر في تلك الذاكرة...و لأنك كنت تعلم دوما أني سأظل تلك الحمقاء التي تولّعت بك وبهواك

لا أطلب منك أن تعيد صورتي الى العلبة الوردية

أو ان تضعها داخل اطار داكن على مكتبك الخشبي الصلب

.أو الى جانب رأسك لأغني لك حين تنام.

لكن ترفق بعيني حين تمزق الصورة لأنك فيها

,و لا تلقها في حفرة في ركن الغرفة،أحرقها كما أحرقت قلبي و جعلتني أتنفس الدخان الرمادي الخانق

وعدني أنك يوما لن تذكرني

Wafa

I don’t remember how did he show up in zajel and how he get closer to the zajels all I remember is that Wafa is a Zajel.

Recently we talk a lot and exchange thoughts and ideas and above all Music.
Well I don’t remember how we get to be friends, but I know that I like talking to him and his funny way of teasing me!!!
He has a nice taste in colors and design which is a bit wired for guys not all of them has it.
I always refused to have kids but deep inside I have a secret wish to have a daughter just one daughter to live all life details with her but after getting to know wafa I want to have a boy exactly like him.

Rabie3

I wake up this morning and as usual checking my mobile which always sleeps under my pillow for new messages or missed calls, I didn’t find any so I checked the dialled numbers I found Rabie3 number I viewed the details of the call to find that the call lasted for 4:10 minutes but I don’t remember that I talked to Rabee since the feast, then I thought that maybe I did but I don’t remember.

Oops that was a dream I wake up and realized that the previous was a dream, at the same day Rabie3 called me at 7 but I was napping so I didn’t reply. Two days after I called him at the evening we had a short talk, told him about the dream and some other staff, I hanged up then I remembered the dream so curiously I checked the call duration 4:10 minutes is it just a coincidence?!