why do you keep leaving?

Do you remember when I apologized for leaving you behind?

Lana... why did you do that, why did you leave us behind now? You didn't give us the time to say goodbye, you gave us time only for grieving and sadness, I visited you yesterday; you were as beautiful as always... I didn't know what to say...

I just remembered how happy you were always, how much you loved life, that you like high heels, pink, Greece salad and you used to take away the black olives, pour dressing all over it and never eat it, that you love "secret crush".

You were sad sometimes and avoided people, now the people you avoid are wishing to see you even if you still prefer to avoid them.

Just come back, I would do any thing, anything to see smiling again... Lana

This will destroy my lungs one day

She asked me if I smoke.
"Yes, I do"

She asked me for a cigarette, I offered her one and my lighter, she left to the next door to smoke it, she said she doesn't smoke much but she feels like smoking.
"but it's not good and you have a hard cough" she added before she left the room.
"I know, but I am terribly sick".

my heart is aching for you

I went for a walk with my uncle and Yasmin, we walked all Rafeedia street, I didn’t walk in that street since 4 months or so, I was happy first to walk there again, many places changed, disappeared or replaced, new shops, restaurants and cafes.

We continued to the University street, the one I walked with him many times, it was a sweet memory first, then an awful one, here we walked, and we were together then, you were talking and I am listening, I jumped around you, and loved you there, I loved watching you next to me, longing to take my hand, but we can’t because it’s not accepted in this city, you were next to me and I couldn’t touch you or love you more.

Walking there brought me back to you, everything here drags me to you, reminds me of how much I loved you and how much I hurt you, I did hurt you, I was scared because I knew you will leave me and I was concerned about giving you to save my heart suffering after you do.

I passed by your house, I was there once, sorry, I didn’t love you as you deserve, my love was immature, shy and scared. Now and I know how to love you, how to treat you, but it’s too late, too late to love you again, cherish you, and make you as happy as I can and you want.

One thing I will never stop and regret, loving you endlessly.