It was 4:14 when I work up this afternoon, nightmares and wired dreams are catching up with me for the last few days, I see wars in different locations out side Palestine, I don’t recognize it but I know it’s not Palestine, I see children’s remains, I see demolished houses, I see people fled there houses, I see field officers shouting at their soldiers and me watching this scene helpless!!
I woke up, checked my email- No new messages!! Did the world abandon me? I called my sister, she asked me to join her and her husband, he will be at home any minute with Hakam, ok; I will shower and come as fast as I can, at 5:03 I was locking my apartment’s door with a cigarette between my tired fingers. I walked slowly in the garden heading to the main gate, I tried to walk as slow as I could, I know he will be leaving work now- his company is across the street, I don’t want to meet with him, I don’t want my eyes to follow the lines of his body. I sat at a plastic chair by the gate and waited to finish the cigarette, I crossed the gate, his car was still there… ok I can walk fast to reach the service to Betounia before he leaves.
I managed, called Yasmin to tell her I am in the way, Bashar (her husband) answered, he said yalla hurry up we are starving, Hakam says bring your laptop. Ok I will.
I returned slowly, my sight was stepping faster to see if his car is still there, it’s moving, he is leaving, my legs kept stepping ahead and I prayed he doesn’t see me.
The sun was reflecting on his car, his car was the only thing I could see, and the scene was empty, just me and his car.
He didn’t stop, I didn’t wonder if he saw me or not, I just though: he didn’t see me!!
It’s 11:42 pm now—no messages, no calls, just me and my computer.
Ensa elli ra7 (click to download and listen)
Ana ablak ya 7abibi khanitni el eyyam
W 3alayye la ma t5abbi w be 3younak kalam
3ashe2 enta ya albi w dayeb bel ‘3aram
Dayeb bel ‘3aram
Ensa elli ra7 ya albi rta7
Hayk el ‘3aram laysh el malam
W la btehda youm wala bterta7
Shu 6alet ha layali w sha’3aloni el 3esha2
Ma sa2alo 3an 7ali ya nar el ashwa2
W ba3don 3ala bali w ana dayman meshta2
W ana Dayman meshta2
